Fast forward a couple of years to University and the opportunity of regular dance practice in various Newcastle nightclubs. This was the era of rave, whistles and gurning. I didn’t pull this off either. My gurning was too self-conscious (probably due to the absence of any drugs in my system) and I never felt confident enough to have a whistle. I resorted to the lowest of the low – dancing around my handbag and doing “lesbian style” dancing with my friends to try and hide the pitiful fact that I just could not cut it on the dancefloor.
Luckily I am not alone in this world in not being able to dance. Most people I know are pretty awful at it. There are of course a couple of exceptions to this rule. My brother-in-law can rave beautifully and when I first knew him he could be prevailed on to do some breakdancing if you plied him with enough drinks. I have also got a couple of friends who can pull of a passable Beyonce routine without looking stupid (or like a fake lesbian). I don’t think I am being disloyal when I say that most women I know of my age now do the “Mum dance”. Thankfully our generation of men don’t often venture on to the dancefloor but if they did I am almost positive they would be doing the “Dad dance”. I don’t need to describe it – we’ve all seen it in action.
So I did what any other 39 year-old, mother-of-three would do; I searched YouTube for shuffling instructional videos (yes I am that sad). I was amazed to discover that LMFAO himself even has one. Problem number 2: I can see that the moves are really simple but I JUST CAN’T DO IT. I am the dance version of someone who is tone deaf. My dance gene is missing.
The good news is that I am 40 in January and thereafter I can officially embrace middle-age and Mum-dancing with a clear conscience. My shuffling days are over (in public anyway). Dancing is destined be another one of those things I will never master along with tennis, drawing and being able to do a Cornish accent*.
*Thanks to my husband for pointing this one out.